| To trust...Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding." Matthew 6:28-30 "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith." Luke 12:27 "Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these." How does one trust in desperate dark circumstances and places? Is it something within themselves they cling to, or a switch of the mind they must turn on when they find their mind doubting in their desperation. Is the opposite characteristic of trust doubt and desperation? The weakest darkest strongest emotions that sink your heart into the dark cold sand in little spaces. The bird that sticks its neck into the sand to hide from the world for awhile, a timeout from the whirl wind. How does such a person trust??? When they can't see any positive reinforcement in front of them. Nothing to make them move on and hold on alittle bit longer. A glimpse or shimmer of hope and the end result to come. Why is such a thing never shown to anyone? Perhaps some are, as a dream or vision, a beautiful solitary, set apart, glimpse of the future to come, that is wonderful. Does the journey of trust result in something beautiful? Is the end result something parallel to a reward? A reward for holding onto the journey and the drudgery of the struggle. A broken shattered half heart, a dull color of red, come whole, strong again. A vivid clear color of red, with the strong steady alive beat of continuance, life. A life started again, fresh and new. A new chance, and beginning. Hope, that is set in motion by a renewed completely whole and strong pulsing crimson heart. The bleeding and severing is over. The pain of the struggle, of trying to survive with a wounded weak heart finally is over? Is the hardest part waiting? Waiting through the struggle and the pain. Waiting in the hospitals sitting room, for the doctors to see you, for it to be your turn over the rest of the waiting mass of people. You feel like a number amoung hundreds of others, all waiting for similiar results. All waiting on the journey for similiar end results of hope. Some finality and end to their struggle of desperation. All expecting the same. Whoever gets up in frustration and impatience and walks out throws it all out. They give up, not expecting the end result to arrive fast enough. Missing out on the last 5 minutes of patience, when it would have been their turn to be seen. The hardest part of waiting, is not being able to see the end result in front of you. Sometimes seeing nothing in front of you but the steady ticking of the hand of a clock. Going around the circle once again, the repeating cycle of motion, moving forward to a progressive number. The silence of the room being only broken by the ticking of the clock. The only sign time is moving forward, on to something. On to the future. Yet it gives no promise or indication of that future, whether it be positive, hopeful, or what? Do we only continue on in our difficult or long journeys just for the end result of treasure and glory? Is that the only motivating factor to us? If we only sought rewards for our honorable acts and not for the act itself, what form of honor would we have in our hearts? If the good samaritan helped the injured and robbed dyeing man only for a reward peice of gold, what would the lesson from the story be to us? Had Frodo undertaken the responsibility of the ring to rid of it himself, only for a reward of richness or fame, how would the story have ended? When we get sweaty and dirty working at some strenuous chore, where is our reward? Is it something we can hold in our hands or boast with our mouths? Or could it be in the honor of undertaking the task in itself, the chiseling and shaping of ourselves, our character. The discipline it teaches us. The feeling it gives us after it is complete and we stand over it gazing at what we accomplished. Something done well, built up, shined, organized, cleaned, renewed, made whole. If we did not take initiative to be the doer of these honorable acts ourselves, not simply for the reward, there would be no positive change and effects on this world, on others, on ourselves. The sunrise and sunset would only be scientific processes, logically explained by theories and laws of the universe. Not miraculous evidences, gifts, shown in front of all our naked eyes, to the glorious wonders of the truth of creation, His work. His work, vividly and largely evident to our eyes, on earth, and out of the earth and beyond. Infinite continuance of His creative intelligent design. His indefinite love, the expanse of the heavens. The evidence and example of His love, could this be our only view of hope on our crazy hard journeys of faith? On the journey and process to seeking trust. We see and feel His love. The one thing that helps us, nudges us gently along, to keep moving forward till the end. His love, is a good enough example for me to hold on. No matter what. The great expanse of His love for us, through his pain of blood, bruises, broken bones, body. We will never be able to pay him back for. Only maybe through our journey and obedience of trust, faith, and love. Easy for him, his perfection, our weakness, our tiny efforts and attempts, our repeating mistakes, falls, and starting over again. The journey of trust. Mine, and His together. I fear an dread it not anymore. I only desire to go forward towards His love. |
